Since no one is listening...A List

of all the reasons that I hate the winter.

1. its cold. i try not to take it personally but it feels like my balls are under constant attack.

2. its dark. i just got out of a study session early and i'm thinking "sweet. its 5 o'clock. i can go out and enjoy the rest of the day." its pitch black.

3. the frozen homeless really cramp my style. either they freeze to the bottom of your car where they crawled for heat and it takes like 3 hours with a scrapper to get them off or they freeze, fall over and break leaving big red indigent chunks at every other intersection.

4. i hate parades. and why are they all now? see#1

5. i get fat. i think my father was a grizzly. though i am fairly bereft of body hair, this time of year seems to pack on the pounds. its likely because this weather inspires people to bake, for some reason. Ah, pies! too cold to run (see #1) and too dark to get up and drive to the gym (see#2).

6. TV blows. 4 months past Sweeps Week and 4 months from Season Finales. all my shows are on cruise control doing the speed limit on the interstate. Yawn.

7. it just killed Mr. Miyagi!!! a moment of silence for Pat Morita...

8.

9. its ugly. nature, like my gonads, seems to beat a hasty retreat into Mexico. the whole country looks like a Felini film.

10. Movies are kinda gay. (not that there's anything wrong with that). nothing hard hitting ocmes out when its winter. its all happy kids and magical lions. no one is in a good enough mood to see some ass-stomping, popcorn-swilling brainlessness. why? see#1,9 and especially 3.