Only Funny Cuz Its True

My boss put an ad in a local small town paper asking for people to come forward regarding incidents (not incidences) of police and guards abusing inmates in the prison. Well today i got this call:
Me: So tell me your story
Him: Well I was inside for about 10 days and I was brutalized and sodomized.
Me: Man sorry to hear that (while thinking chi-ching!)
Him: Yeah, the kept saying 'you're cute' and 'come over here' and they kept offering me smokes and candy.
Me: Huh?
Him: And like an idiot I went over there and the next thing I know their kissing on me and rubbing my butt. And they didnt even give me the smokes!
Me: Were these the guards or the inmates?
Him: The prisoners, man! And the NEXT thing i know, theres a pencil in my butt. You cant tell nobody right? Privilege and such?
Me: Shit. >click<