Things I Have Learned So Far In Law School

1. the more you skip a class, the less likely you are to get called on that day.
2. never let a pansy hold you up in a keg stand.
3. Ramen noodles are worse for you than most alcoholic beverages.
4. professors ask many of those questions because they truly don't know the answers.
5. being 1/3rd a lawyer can get you laid.
6. "in the interest of equity, speed and justice" is the answer to all Civ Pro questions.
7. "clerk" is Latin for bitch.
8. real memos are never more than 7 sentences long. otherwise you have to read it to your boss.
9. after the fourth Irish Car Bomb, all of tomorrow's classes are cancelled.
10. you realize you are a fucked up nerd who can never be cool again when you find any of this funny.

Que?

What the figgity fuck is this all about?This is what happens when NAFTA gets out of hand. Nobody was manning the port authority office when this shipment of chihuahuas rolled in.

Funny

I never thought I'd say this, but apparently Law Review editors can be pretty effing funny. Check it!http://wingsandvodka.blogs.com/blog/MockTrialTransferMotion.pdf

Immortality

Today, as I was out shopping for groceries, I realized that it is entirely possible that I could leave this world one day without having every really made an impact on anyone other that those in my immediate circle of friends. I want someone else in this life to know who I am and to have my name etched on their soul, to be a driving force for a great change in a random individual's life. At that moment, I saw an unattended child crying in the aisle I was strolling by. the kid couldn't have been more than 10 or 11 years old. leaving my cart at the end of the row, I approached the weeping lad and stopped right beside him. Immediately, the boy ceased his crying and looked up at me with his big soulful eyes that had seen little of the hardships of the world. the bot managed a smile just as I placed a well-aimed kick to his midsection. as I rained down a torrent of kicks and stomps on his young, fragile frame, I repeated over and over again "My name is Willie". at last I had done it, I had given my life purpose. This boy will carry my name with him his entire life. he will use it as either a motivating factor to become stronger or as material around which to structure his nightmares. i figure that 11 is old enough to ensure that the events of that fateful day in Kroger will not be muddled by childish exaggeration and just young enough to avoid any puberty induced ADHD that might allow him to "move on" without some intensive therapy. At last...I am immortal!

Movie Review In 10 Words or Less

RedEye
Predictable fun. Starts well. Ends Flat. Rent it.

Movie Review In 10 Words or Less

the 40 Year Old Virgin
Funny! WeddingCrashers and American Pie had a foul-mouthed child!

Movie Review In 10 Words or Less

Crash
Harsh. Extreme. Well acted. Surprising. Not for "PC" people.

Movie Reviw In 10 Words or Less

Sky High
Good, clean family fun. John Hughes meets the Superfriends

Rant 1

first off, let me just say that just because you can blog, doesn't mean you should. sure, the internet is infinite but that does not excuse every douchebag with 26 keys and a phone line to spill the useless minutia of their lives out into the world. just because you have space in the trunk of your car, doesnt mak it a good place to take a shit. we could care less about your bad hair days unless you want to post pictures. "woe is me" blogging is only good for a few entries, after that no one gives a monkey's left nut!
dont post pics of your cat and you aunt and your ugly mug wearing your fav band tshirt! talk about something. if you arent entertaining, you shouldnt be blogging. if its someone to talk to you are seeking, see a shrink.
more to come...

God Complex for Dummies

As many of you know, I recently announced my acceptance of my Party's nomination for the position of God. It is an honor to be chosen and I will do everything possible to live up to their expectations! First off, I'd like to say that this campaign is not about smearing the work already done by my opponent. Since Time began, he (pardon me, He) has held it all together. But here on Earth, it is time for a change. Initially, it sounded like a good idea to make Godhood a lifetime position, but who has the nerve to, on Day One, to use His power to then make Himself immortal? My opponent has that nerve! I will not pretend that I do not make mistakes, but I have the courage to admit when I am wrong. I do not pawn them off as "Mysterious Ways"! Nipples on men! Mosquitos! Tornados! Useless things, unless He has something against trailer parks. There you will see plenty of all three!
Well I promise that when I am God, we will have referendums weekly! You like skeeters, man-boobs and twisters? Then the trailer parks are out!
To Be Continued!

Summer Movie Sadness

Let me just start this by saying that I am one of the biggest lovers of cinema that I know. I tetter right on that edge between "being in the know" and "being that annoying, pretensious douche-bag that thinks every flick must be high art and that anything done in color or since 1945 or made in America is tripe".
I lke a good, harrowing plot. I also like it when shit blows up real good! All that being said, let me say that most of the films released lately have been pretty weak. i mean, I hate to be the one to say this but almost all the really good films are now indie films (Napoleon Dynamite, Touching the Void, Crash). I mean, Hollywood seems to have become Holly-Won't! Did you know that over half the major releases of the past 12 months have been either remakes or sequels or adaptations of old tv series. there seems to be no original thought left in L.A..
Batman, Fantastic 4, Dukes of Hazzard, Bewitched, the Longest Yard...it goes on and on.
Dont get me wrong, some of these rehashes are great films, but how long can you stand on the shoulders of giants before their collarbones crack?
Being a reformed comic book nerd (824 days since my last purchase and still going strong thanks to my sponsor, a fucking sex life!), I was overjoyed to see that technology had reached the point where my childhood (and adolescent and young adult! Own your addictions, people) favorite heroes and villains could come to life, merging my two cherished mediums. But now, its getting to be a bit much. X-Men, Batman, Superman...okay! Great! Sin City was a perfect translation. But now i hear the lame ass spinoffs will begin in 2006 and 2007. Magneto the Movie? Yay! Let's go watch a film about a crusty old man in purple flitting about and movng metal with his mind!!! Garbage! Iron Man? Most people dont even know who he is! I know in my heart that Archie & Jughead and the West Coast Avengers will be coming soon.
Well, my time has grown short. I have to get a passport today and have nomore time for you! Tune in next time when I launch my campaign for Godhood!!!