Observation

My office sits about a half mile from the homeless mission district, so I see a lot of them on a daily basis. Having had this opportunity to, much like a wildlife photographer, observe them going by from behind my glass, I have made an interesting discovery. Homeless people are really bird-people. Well, at least they have so much in common, its hard not to make a connection.
1. They both flit around the streets, mostly unnoticed.
2. they snatch up our crumbs and live on whatever else they can find
3. they hang out on the roofs of random buildings
4. they poop wherever they like
5. they sing at random times and for no real reason at all.
6. I had a crow squawk at me the same day that I had a homeless man flip me off and tell me to stop listening to his brain. something about the government.

although, to be fair, most homeless are non-migratory. Though I could never figure out why. If I'm gonna be homeless in the middle of winter, its going to be at the beach.

Movie Qoute of the Day Trivia Contest

What film is this from? No Googling or any such cheating, kids. Use your brain or dont play the game!

"Oh, you can't get out backwards. You've got to go forwards to go back. Better press on."

The Middle Ages

I'm turning thirty-five this year and I have to examine my place in the scheme of things. I think I have a better grasp on it than I did a year ago.
35 means...
I'm not too old to go out and get wasted.
I am too old to think I can get up and go to work the next morning. Or do it more than once a month,

I'm not too old to play video games.
I am too old to be really good at them

Im not too old to take up a new hobby like bike riding or the guitar.
Im too old to ever be a virtuoso.

Im too young to own a Porsche, but too old to drive one like it should be driven (and where do i put the car seat?)

I'm too young to lose my hair, but not too old to consider maybe some dye here and there.
(can you dye balls? heh, images of Easter)

Well I dont fear getting older. Hell I cant WAIT for my mid-life crisis. Then I can pay back all the women around me for decades of PMS.

Temper Temper

So I had a lady call my office about a month ago and ask me to help her in her divorce. First, she said she had no money. Always the best way to get me on your side. Then when I asked why she wanted a divorce, she said she didnt, he did. Oh, and why does he. Well it seems he went and found himself somebody new. So she slapped him. And set girlfriends car on fire. And (allegedly) beat his prize 1968 Camaro to a pulp with a blunt object. Well being a fan of 60s muscle cars, i flat turned her down.
The other day, a lady walked up to me in court and asked if I would do her divorce and that she had only 2 days to get her answer filed and that she had money (chi-ching) so I said yes. I go to the opposing attorney and ask for and get extension, get back to my office and realize its the SAME GODDAMN WOMAN!!!
Well, needless to say, I am working hard on her case every spare minute. After all, I just bought my car!
So as I sit here, typing this blog, she sits here in my office, thinking I'm taking notes on her blubbering rant about her imprisonment, her stint in the Happy House and musings as to "why he dont love me no more". Ah, if human suffering and drama were only marketable....hmmmm. Would it be illegal to set up a video camera in my office and put this on as a new reality show? The "Real" Office? Dont worry, I'll put little black blobs on their faces.

Dogfight

48 hours is a long time. I can drive to San Francisco in that time. Or build a small boat. Or catch a 24-hour flu, be bedridden, recover and make it to Toddy's in time for hotdogs and beer.

Or...
I can argue over how many dogs go to who in a goddamn divorce that I have otherwise settled weeks ago. 2 freakin' days debating over whether my client gets all 5 Yorkies or if hubby gets at least 2.
1. Three dogs is plenty.
2. what self-respecting man wants a Yorkie? Nevermind two Yorkies!
3. do you really want to pay me for this?
4. do i really want to do this type of shit? I mean, this is why I went to college, took the LSAT, went to law school for 3 years and suffered through the Bar? To stand up for Yorkies?

Maybe I can start a pet defense practice somewhere that a thing like that might work. Beverly Hills, probably. Set up office right next to the pet cemetary. Whats that, maam? that Rottweiler scared your toy poodle? well thats a clear case of Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress! And I am sure little Fido will want an Order of Protection!

Justicia Enim Bestia

Docket Sounding

Let me know if anyone is still checking this thing. I just cant stay away, but I need an audience to validate my madness.