Movie Trivia Quote Game

If those little sweethearts won't face German bullets, they'll face French ones!

No cheating.

Welfare Republicans

I once worked in an office that was 90% Republican. From time to time someone would settle their fat ass in a chair in my office and banter. Sooner or later they'd feel comfortable enough (cuz I'm sooo disarming) to tell me an off-color joke, usually involving Mexicans and the Rio Grande, women and I.Q. or Asians and algebra. First off, what about this educated Black male exterior makes you think I'm not sensitive to the plight of the minority? Was there a vote that I missed. After 9/11, are Arabs and Mexicans the new n-words? I missed the memo.
I dont want to sound narrow-minded or to take a shot at Clarence Thomas or Colin Powell, but most African-Americans are Democrats. Which, if you think about it, says a lot for how shitty Republicans are. I mean, being a church-centric society, Blacks are fundamentally against homosexuality and are generally conservative. Yet and still, Democrats.
But what kills me to death are these broke ass, under-educated, welfare-receiving, teen pregnancy terminating sister-fuckers who insist on voting Republican just because "papaw was a Republican". Well, papaw was a repressed homosexual too. Try that on for size. I mean, your party wants to stop you from having an abortion, then cut off all your aid you ask for to help feed those babies, raise your taxes without raising the minimum wage you need to survive and then teach your ten kids in school that they're going to hell. Good choice.
Think I'll get online and see if I can find an application for the KKK. Its almost Memorial Day, white's back in season. I'll be the one in the 600 thread count Egyptian Cotton sheet.

Guantanamo Schmantanamo

Baby Loblaw, you win.
Day 7.
She has waged a relentless campaign against. First she pretends to be my friend; she coos and smiles and pats my back. Then suddenly, the truth.
Screaming in my face, vomiting in my eyes, sleep deprivation tactics. I cant even get a spoon of food to my mouth without reprimand. I'm wasting away. Classic techniques. I saw it all on the History Channel, but it seemed so distant and unreal on TV. But its real, my God, its real.
And the worst part is, she won't give me an 'out'. She won't tell me what I have to say, who I have to rat out, what she wants me to admit to to make it stop. Taliban? No problem. 9/11? I did it. Kennedy? King? Fucking Lincoln? All me! Just make it go away!
And the worst part is, after each night of abuse, I have to get up and go to work.
I googled the list of tortures she is implimenting, to see if there is some kind of governmental body I can appeal to in hopes of relief. Theres a name for what is being done to me. The internet calls it "teething'". Sounds Chinese. No surprise there. They INVENTED torture.
Geneva Convention, my ass. Damn you, Mitt Romney, make it go away!

Movie Trivia Qoute

"It's time to prove to your friends that you're worth a damn. Sometimes that means dying; sometimes it means killing a whole lot of people."

Easy one.

Spy vs. Spy

Karmic Kudos to the guy who found my dropped wallet in the Food City parking lot and returned it unmolested to my apartment complex's office drop slot.

Piss in the eyes of David, photographer from Albequerque, New Mexico who we are certain stole my boss' camera while in NOLA, and cast a pall, the only dark spot, over an otherwise magical journey.

Yin and Yang. 1 billion Chinese cant be wrong.

Client Conference

Me: So... tell me about your criminal history.
Him: Oh nooo. I dont have a thing.
Me: You sure? I mean I dont want any surprises when we get in there and I just need all the info up front.
Him: No sir! Not a thing on my record! I have a spotless record!
Me: Cmon dude! I dont have a 'spotless' record! And I'm your attorney!
Him: No way, believe me. Nothing! Nothing! I mean, like, if you look, the only thin you might see is a simple possession charge from last year!
Me: Sigh. And tell me about that.
blahblahblah
Me: And is THAT all?
Him: Yes sir! Everything!
Me: No other arrests?
Him: The only time I was EVER arrested was at the house in Maryville.
Me: Your house?
Him: Yes sir!
Me: And that was when they got you in connection with this case?
Him: Uh, no.

I see a pattern forming.

Movie Trivia

No cheating. If you don't know, don't answer. No one claimed the prize for last week, so the skin carries over, but the difficulty increases.

"Crucify him on the Tree of Woe"

The Hunchback of Notre Knox

So this attorney in my office gets a call. He takes it in my office because we are in the middle of an important staff meeting (lunch). He says hello to the client. And then stands there. And stands there.
Well, he puts the guy on hold and walks out of my office and 5 minutes later, the guy is still on hold. So, I pick it up. And I can only sit there, And sit there. And sit there as he tells me the most ridiculous story I have ever heard. Promise.
Apparently he accused a girl of stealing from her mother, his friend. Well, she made the same accusations right back. So the next time he pulls up to his house, he sees a guy across the street, sitting in a car, on his cellphone. Well, obviously this man is a government agent of some sort and is lying in wait for this innocent feller.
So he runs for it.
He heads for safety. In church.
He calls my colleague to inform him that 'they' are after him and that, as soon as his pastor gets back from lunch, he is going to request "sanctuary".
For the uninformed, and I know who you are cuz you aren't laughing yet, "sanctuary" was the legal asylum given to anyone who made it to the safety of the church steps and asked for it... in the Middle Ages! It was abolished in 1683 or something like that!
I keep picturing Quasimodo ringing that bell!
I once heard of a guy who invoked the Articles of Confederation in a trial and had cites and copies for all to see. But this! My colleague should subpoena the preacher, just to get his reaction when the guy said that shit. Nice!
Next time I'm in trouble, I'm invoking Hammurabi's Code. Or the Dead Sea Scrolls.

New Orleans Is Like...

A French-tickler vibrator wrapped in a Tiffany's box.
So much wrong in such a pretty wrapper.
Rockin'
Katrina, who?

Picture This Unlikely Image

Me. Standing in 2 feet of mud and water and horse shit. Sweating and wet from a tropical storm. Beer in left hand. Something called 'stuffed bread' in the other. Shirt covered in various bits of deceased crawfish. Pumping my fist in the air to ZZ Top, of all people. Surrounded by a thousand other mud children and a half dozen new nameless friends. Scent of pot and cigars and manure in the air. Hot Hot Sun. Cool Cool Tunes.

Thats Jazzfest Day One.

Is It Really Wednesday???

Ok.
So I have been gone for a while. My boss and I took a CLE trip to New Orleans (that just happened to coincide with Jazzfest). I have never been to NO, so I was mostly looking forward to the CLE, nevermind the rest. We arrive and decide to take a peak at Bourbon Street.
The best way to describe all I see is this; its like a shopping mall of sin. I can buy sex, drugs, alcohol, a hot dog and a ticket to some rockin' tunes all on the same half-block. And I'm pretty sure that woman that just winked at me was once a man. Say, why do they call this drink a hand grenade? Music, people everywhere, this guy peeing on the street. Are you sure this is Wednesday? Whoa! That's why they call it a hand grenade! I think the devil lives here somewhere. I cant feel my lips...and its Wednesday! Did I think I was only in town for the day? Pace...pace...pace.