Funny...But Not, You Know?

The best part about being a lawyer is that you end up seeing and hearing things that make you think all that shit on Springer that you thought was scripted...may not have been. Well today's little gem came in the form of an allegation of abuse in this case I got. Doesnt sound like its gonna be a hoot but just hold on.
The complaint read something like this...
"Ricky and me was fighting and he got mad and grabbed hold of my dentures out my mouth and threw them out in the yard. They broked."
No lie. Her teeth. Out of her fucking mouth. They broked. I can make this shit up but seriously who has the time?

The Definition of...

Bad Timing.
Michael Richards choosing now, not long after Mel Gibson exposed the Jews as the warmongering messiah killers they are, to go on a racist rant...on stage...on tape.

5 Things That Make Life Worth Living

1. Borat. NICE!

2. Sausage McGriddles

3. The fact that I live in a city where one of its most prominent attorneys ends up in a cursing, name-calling tug-o-war with a McDonalds employee at the drive-thru, leading to dueling charges of assault.

4. The OSU-Michigan game! Damn fine football. And if you know me, you know thats saying alot.

5. That I got to live long enough to see a car company make a car that can parallel park itself! Now if I could just send it thru the drive-thru while I stay at home. Let IT fight with the employees!

Things I Hate Today

1. People who love a certain story so much that every time they have the chance they tell it, which ultimately leads to them telling you the same story about 77 times. I get it. Vegas was great. Trying leaving Knoxville more than once in your life so you can get some new material.

2. the same guy from the first one who starts his story with "I think I may have told you this one" but still proceeds to tell it, heedless of my nodding head and my finishing his sentences for him.

3. Body odor. Easy remedied body odor, especially.

4. That black and orange peanut-flavored candy SOMEBODY keeps buying every Halloween, making candy companies think that shit is a hot ticket item so they keep churning it out.

5. Poor people who vote Republican just cuz they hate gays when most Republicans only do it for the tax break and could give two fucks about the single mom who works at the tire plant, Burger King AND Wendy's.

6. The fact that I live in a state that is proven to be about 10% gay, but there is a ballot to vote down a ban on gay marriage, it passes by a 97% majority. Are all the homosexuals the married, repressed kind who only have kids because they have an active imagination and a subscription to GQ "for the fashion tips"?

7. Al Roker. Cuz he looks like poo.

8. People who fill their blogs with the minutia of their daily lives. "Today I dyed my hair but I think its too brown". As if we give a shit. Only BrAngelina can get away with that shit.

9. Winter. except for the clothes.

Priorities

The other day I was sitting in Court with a man who was arguing his case before the judge. What made this case different was the fact that the man was an emphysema patient on portable oxygen that kept him alive. By the time his case came up to the bench, he had about 45 minutes of air left in his tank and was refusing to reset the case and demanding a lawyer be provided and his case be heard immediately.
That got me thinking. People have some fucked up priorities.
I guess we all do. I think everyone has skinned a knee trying to save their Nokia from hitting the ground. Or almost ended up in a ditch dodging a squirrel that lacks the sense to stay in the tree.
I see it everyday in my job; folks hanging on by their pinky nail to a fucking toaster while their kids get one step closer to therapy if their lucky, jail if their poor.
I cant act like its not me too. I shop online everyday for a cheap Xbox 360 while I have no health insurance.
Is it ADHD? Is it Mtv? Is it cuz I dont go to church? Lack of personal structure and moral fiber? When did Comcast join the list of survival needs next to food, sex and sleep?
Damn DVR.