Sililoquy is a dialogue with one's self. The evidence is overwhelming that this is what this blog has become. I am therefore decommissioning this site and will no longer post here. I would say goodbye, but to say such to one's self seems morose and smacks of suicide. Lights out! You dont have to go home but you cant stay here.
-Bob
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Monday, March 12, 2007
Spring Is Here...A Month Early?
So...
Bush's solution to the energy consumption problem is to add 30 hours to the start of spring and 30 to the end? Brilliant! Goodbye, Global Warming! W is on the case and you dont stand a chance!
Gasp! Is that a condor I see? A dodo, an elephant bird, a carrier pidgeon? All the extinct beasties are back and the poles are bigger and colder than ever!!! Praise be to God, Allah and George W. Bush!!!
Bush's solution to the energy consumption problem is to add 30 hours to the start of spring and 30 to the end? Brilliant! Goodbye, Global Warming! W is on the case and you dont stand a chance!
Gasp! Is that a condor I see? A dodo, an elephant bird, a carrier pidgeon? All the extinct beasties are back and the poles are bigger and colder than ever!!! Praise be to God, Allah and George W. Bush!!!
Friday, March 09, 2007
Joke of the Day
A junior partner in a firm was sent to a far-away state to represent a long-term client accused of robbery.
After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released. Excited about his success, the attorney telegraphed the firm: "Justice prevailed."
The senior partner replied in haste: "Appeal immediately."
After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released. Excited about his success, the attorney telegraphed the firm: "Justice prevailed."
The senior partner replied in haste: "Appeal immediately."
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
I'm A Big Ball of Satan
I get clients' invitations to join them in their church service all the time. "You should come. It'll be good for you" Huh? Isn't this the same church you go to? Has it been all that great for you? Aren't you here for a DIVORCE? Isn't the state taking your kids, lady? You feel better because you're dumping wads of cash in the collections plate yet you're the same lady who is having trouble paying my discounted rate, right? Fat lot of good its doing you. Maybe its just YOUR church. Maybe if I go to a more Republic church, the rates and returns are higher. I know. I'm going to hell. But I bet all the cool people are gonna be there. Elvis. Anna Nicole. Jim Morrison. Jimi. Andy Warhol. Ghandi, according to some. Every 80s hair band.
I don't know. I get up early and wear a suit enough during the week. Sundays are for jam-jams and sleep ins.
I don't know. I get up early and wear a suit enough during the week. Sundays are for jam-jams and sleep ins.
The Definition of....
Checks and Balances.
The image of me telling my girlfriend that I'm on my way to workout and her not understanding me because I have a mouthful of Samoas.
And let me just add this.
Forget the endless price hikes of the oil companies.
Nevermind Nike's exploitation of minor.
Ignore the constant harassment of student loan consolidation groups.
To hell with the addictive nature of the return business inherent in methamphetamines.
All of them combined can't hold a candle to the Girl Scouts of America.
They are here again folks. Be Prepared, indeed.
The image of me telling my girlfriend that I'm on my way to workout and her not understanding me because I have a mouthful of Samoas.
And let me just add this.
Forget the endless price hikes of the oil companies.
Nevermind Nike's exploitation of minor.
Ignore the constant harassment of student loan consolidation groups.
To hell with the addictive nature of the return business inherent in methamphetamines.
All of them combined can't hold a candle to the Girl Scouts of America.
They are here again folks. Be Prepared, indeed.
Monday, March 05, 2007
Joke of the Day
Whats the difference between an accountant and an attorney?
Accountants know they're boring.
Accountants know they're boring.
CLE Stands For...
Cramped and Locked Enclosure. So I just had one of these things for the first time. Only because I have to. And everyone warned me that they were bad and to get out at my earliest convenience. Images of Stalags and German Shepherd and crawling under barbed wire dance through my head.
Well they were right. In fact, they understated the crushing boredom that is a CLE. I felt like a homeless atheist who is forced to listen to some self-righteous, self-aggrandizing zealot spew crap for my free bowl of oatmeal and roach parts. I likes ta died. But the class wouldn't let me die. I tried swallowing my tongue but 34 years of heterosexuality has left me with a hefty gag reflex. I would have hung myself with a mic cord, but all the mics were wireless and the ceiling was 25 feet high (i am certain they were that way to avoid exactly what I had planned).
I spent most of the time texting people 5 feet from me and plotting the worst possible torture with the least amount of liability for the woman in row 2 who kept asking questions that weren't really questions like it was our 1L year. I think I would remove her eyelids and feed her dose after dose of sleeping pills to slowly drive her mad. And blind, I guess. She made so many stupid comments I almost objected on grounds of relevance.
My boss tried to pay me to streak the CLE. I wonder if that forfeits my credit hours. Hell I might get extra credit.
I am planning on building a replica of myself to prop my seat at the next CLE whilst I slip away at lunch. Or pay a hobo to be me. Is it suicide if he kills himself while pretending to be me? God, I hope so. The malpractice evasion and tax implications alone are worth it.
Well they were right. In fact, they understated the crushing boredom that is a CLE. I felt like a homeless atheist who is forced to listen to some self-righteous, self-aggrandizing zealot spew crap for my free bowl of oatmeal and roach parts. I likes ta died. But the class wouldn't let me die. I tried swallowing my tongue but 34 years of heterosexuality has left me with a hefty gag reflex. I would have hung myself with a mic cord, but all the mics were wireless and the ceiling was 25 feet high (i am certain they were that way to avoid exactly what I had planned).
I spent most of the time texting people 5 feet from me and plotting the worst possible torture with the least amount of liability for the woman in row 2 who kept asking questions that weren't really questions like it was our 1L year. I think I would remove her eyelids and feed her dose after dose of sleeping pills to slowly drive her mad. And blind, I guess. She made so many stupid comments I almost objected on grounds of relevance.
My boss tried to pay me to streak the CLE. I wonder if that forfeits my credit hours. Hell I might get extra credit.
I am planning on building a replica of myself to prop my seat at the next CLE whilst I slip away at lunch. Or pay a hobo to be me. Is it suicide if he kills himself while pretending to be me? God, I hope so. The malpractice evasion and tax implications alone are worth it.
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