Cramped and Locked Enclosure. So I just had one of these things for the first time. Only because I have to. And everyone warned me that they were bad and to get out at my earliest convenience. Images of Stalags and German Shepherd and crawling under barbed wire dance through my head.
Well they were right. In fact, they understated the crushing boredom that is a CLE. I felt like a homeless atheist who is forced to listen to some self-righteous, self-aggrandizing zealot spew crap for my free bowl of oatmeal and roach parts. I likes ta died. But the class wouldn't let me die. I tried swallowing my tongue but 34 years of heterosexuality has left me with a hefty gag reflex. I would have hung myself with a mic cord, but all the mics were wireless and the ceiling was 25 feet high (i am certain they were that way to avoid exactly what I had planned).
I spent most of the time texting people 5 feet from me and plotting the worst possible torture with the least amount of liability for the woman in row 2 who kept asking questions that weren't really questions like it was our 1L year. I think I would remove her eyelids and feed her dose after dose of sleeping pills to slowly drive her mad. And blind, I guess. She made so many stupid comments I almost objected on grounds of relevance.
My boss tried to pay me to streak the CLE. I wonder if that forfeits my credit hours. Hell I might get extra credit.
I am planning on building a replica of myself to prop my seat at the next CLE whilst I slip away at lunch. Or pay a hobo to be me. Is it suicide if he kills himself while pretending to be me? God, I hope so. The malpractice evasion and tax implications alone are worth it.
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