We live in a universe of conflict. But its always nice to know you have someone to turn to in times of need. Someone who knows how to quell conflicts in every language of every race of creature in all the known galaxies. Thats right, I'm talking about Ms. Japan!!!
Last week, after days of endless hand-to-hand combat, ruthless debate, sleep deprivation, tea leave divination and of course a popular vote, we elected Ms. Japan as the new ruler of All. When Ms. Japan was crowned Ms. Universe, the heavens shook! It was a glorious competition, with contestants from at least 75 different planets and ....
Actually, they were all from here, mostly fro Latin and Central America and it was lame. Miss USA fell on her ass. No combat. No Klingons. Nothing.
Why do they call this Miss Universe? Is she going to halt the war between the Empire and the Rebellion? Will she sit down with Darth Vader and Han Solo and hash out some issues? What does she do, anyway?
Since she's Japanese I assume she can turn into a giant robot and then maybe into a Prius. Then she can drive around and speak on her platform of energy conservation from her unique perspective. Or maybe in times of trouble she grows 100 feet tall and fires lasers from her mouth at North Korea.
All I know is I didnt vote for her, so dont blame me when the aliens arrive with laser guns blazing and you turn to her for guidance and all she can say is "World Peace".
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Look. I sense that you don't buy into this pageant stuff, and that's fine. But if you would rather little Robinson look up to Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Ritchie and Paris Hilton, then you keep making fun of pageants. And see where that gets you.
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