You Can Lead A Ho to Water

but you cant make em think.

Last week we had a treat land in our office. Apparently a lawyer here (for the purposes of this story, we'll call her Jama) acted as a GAL on a case and had to privately bill it. Well, the bill was returned by one of the parent's attorney (her name sorta rhymes with Howie Mandel) and basically said that all of the charges were excessive. She then proceeded to go through each billed MINUTE and state first how it was too much, then how she herself (Howie) only bills X.X minutes to do the same thing and finally (and here is where the 'balls as big as church bells' moment happens) requested the attorney explain in detail what she was doing for all that time.

Now, bless Jama's tender-hearted soul, but she actually felt worried over this.
Let me just say where I stand.
1. Fuck you, lady.
2. who the sweet Jesus shit are you?
3. how is it my fault that you dont put any time into your work, you lazy cooz?
4. isnt it more obviously malpractice to admittedly cut corners in your representation?
5. Is that kind of sloth a 'shall' or a 'may' report to the Board. Cuz Im leaning toward 'Shall'.
6. Let me see every bill you have every sent out. Hell I'll start going over you whole life! How much did you tithe last year? What are you tipping at Outback? How many times in the last 10 years have you said 'Nope, sorry, no spare change'?
7. You must want to fight. I'll get street with ya, biyatch!
8. How do you draft an Order in 0.1 hours? I cant even hit 'print' that fast.

By the way, I am billing you or somebody else for this time. Self-righteous gutter slut.