God Awful

Last year I wrote a paper on religion. Long story short: Some people deny God's existence because the reality of God defies their concept of Him. There is no God. What if we, mankind, dont fit God's idea of how we were meant to be we He made the originals? There is no Man.

This got me thinking, that and the whole Lint/Ash wednesday thing. I am not Catholic or Church of England. But with all this God in season now, I have been asked "what faith are you?". Well, I really had no answer until now. I am declaring myself an Atheistic Baptist . I believe in God, just not the one I was raised to (i.e. fiery eyes and lightning fingers, too Greek). How mean is God supposed to be? Damning us all to Hell from Day 1 to Lakes of Fire and Demon lashings and unwanted ass-shagging for all eternity (too Babylonian). I admit that the denial of all that I was taught is likely fueled by my own inner desire to do what I want without being judged for it. I just don't like being afraid of a being who is proported to be "the Embodiment of Love".

I seem to not fit in to any of the available faiths, leaving me to be introspective about any issues I have. Catholicism seems cool in some respects. I just have issues with believing that a person in a booth can make my badness go away by giving me homework assignments because he has a hotline to the Big Guy (too tribal).
Baptists and all its offshoots miss me completely with its judgmental attitude, homophobia and rampant intrusiveness into other people's right to worship (too fascist).
I'd be a Buddhist if it weren't for my deep-down love for Hardee's and Nathan's hotdogs.
I really like Hinduism. They think of religion as a bicycle wheel (we are all on the rubber tire area, God is the center of the wheel, all the world's religions are the spokes. Any true religion will lead you to the center, so its all good). I just think some redneck would mistake me for a Muslim (just Banzai Christianity, which is funny cuz Christians hate them) and shoot me.
Do I really need a religion? A philosophy professor of mine asked our class to live a weekend as if we had no religion. It really didn't change a thing (I actually think I drank less that weekend than usual).
With no religion, I tend to stress less about Commandments on steps and gay shepherds.
I wonder if Festivus has a religious background. I can dig it!